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Lilapsophobia at its finest.

6/16/2015

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Hey blog fans,

Just wanted to update Exploring 24 with a mid- work day post. Right now my team and I are sitting in the middle of a parking lot at a FEMA Mobile registration center in San Marcos, TX as Hurricane Bill proceeds to make landfall. Upon arriving to work this morning, the first thing we were shown was the building we should run to in the event of severe lightening or tornados (no biggie right?) 5 hours later and here we sit with the rain pounding down on our tents, jackets and sometimes even our computers. As the day continues I can’t help but think about one overriding factor that I probably should have considered a little more when I dedicated a year of my life to emergency management. It is a fact about me that only a few really know the severity of. Something that I have been trying to get a grasp on for years but have never really been that great at.

Fact: I have an overwhelming, almost paralyzing fear of bad weather.

Yes, I know that it’s silly. Especially considering that my ultimate weather fear is tornados and I live in Philadelphia where that almost never happens. I know that I am a grown woman and should stop acting like a baby every time I hear the weather report. But I am not ashamed that anytime I hear thunder, deep down I kind of just want to go sleep in my mom’s room like I am 5. I like to think that I have found the reason for my fear. I genuinely think it boils down to my never ending control issues. I wouldn’t in any way say that I am a “control freak” but I at least like to know about or have some say in whatever is going on around me.

But weather doesn’t work like that. If Mother Nature wants rain, she’s getting rain. If she wants 30 degree weather in June, it’s going to happen. If Mother Nature wants to pick up your home and throw it 4 miles down the road… well then you’re just shit out of luck. And to put it nicely, I’m not super down with that. If it were up to me, people would be  able to be like “Hey Mother Nature, I live here. Why are you being such a jerk?”

But unfortunately, that’s not how it works. So here I am, a 24 year old lilapsophobic, someone with an abnormal fear of tornadoes and hurricanes, battening down the hatches as my surrounding areas light up with oranges and reds on every Doppler radar system. I have never felt less in control in my entire life and for some very, very weird reason… I have yet to freak out.

If I were at home I would have already thought about how fast I can clear out our closet under the steps and get my dog in there in the event of a tornado. I would have already considered going to my grandparent’s house so that we are all in the same place when the rescuers inevitably came to get us in rafts. I also probably would have called my best friend who would without a doubt have absolutely no clue that there was even a storm on the way and find myself yelling “WHY THE HELL DON’T YOU EVER WATCH THE NEWS” to which their response would be “Because you’re going to call and tell me about it either way”. This would obviously result in hang up.

But I feel shockingly calm right now. Maybe it is because this time, I am here as one of the “rescuers”. Maybe I think that our big 15 passenger government van is incapable of being lifted off the ground (I don’t actually think that by the way). Or maybe I am finally coming to terms with the fact that there is no sense in freaking out over something I have no control over because of just that… I have no control over it. Whether I want it to or not, these storms are going to happen. All I can do is be prepared, stay informed and hope to God (or whatever higher being you believe in) for the best.

Hopefully I can remember all of these ground breaking things I am posting when I actually see this storm in action later on tonight. Keep checking my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter for more storm updates!

Special Request: Please keep the people of Texas and Oklahoma in your prayers over the next few weeks. The disaster survivors I have spoken to have already gone through so much, maybe Mother Nature really will give them a break if enough people ask for it.

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The Ocean's No Place for a Squirrel

6/9/2015

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So, apparently I am not as good at this blog updating thing as I hoped I would be. However, this time I actually have a good excuse as to why I haven’t had a chance to post. As previously mentioned I am currently part of the program Americorps NCCC Fema Corps and have dedicated 10 months of my life to community service and disaster preparedness/ relief. There have been a lot of ups and downs as you can imagine. Sometimes a lot more downs than ups. But the past week of my Amerilife has without a doubt been one of the most hectic, stressful and emotional week of my entire real life.

My team and I were finishing up our 2 ½ month project with the American Red Cross and just 2 weeks shy of our much needed midyear break. Plane tickets were purchased, vacations were planned…. Hopes were as high as you could possibly imagine. Until our last day working with the ARC Fresno chapter came and everything went awry. After 2, 10 hour days in a hot parking lot in 90 degree weather, spent washing cots and cleaning out ARC shelter trailers, FEMA Corps Team Gold One was hit with a blow we never saw coming. Our team leader informed us that instead of moving on to the next Red Cross chapter, we would be leaving the next morning to head back to our main campus in Sacramento, our team would be getting merged with a new team due to our lack of members and we would be deploying to the Texas Flood disaster in just 4 days. Meaning… we would not be going on break in two weeks as previously planned. And as quickly as my teammates and I locked eyes, is how quickly we all “lost our shit” as we keep calling it.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know that this deployment is 100% what I signed up for when I joined a program partnered with FEMA. I want nothing more than to go and help these people that have lost pretty much everything. But saying the timing is less than ideal would be an understatement. I quickly imagined the hole in my bank account that would be left by the $500 plane ticket I would now not be using. I could already hear the disappointment in my grandparents’ voices when I tell them the news resonating in my head. I thought of the much needed time with my mom, sister and friends that I would now not be getting as soon as I had hoped. I’m still pretty convinced that every tear my teammates and I tried to hold in throughout the course of our very challenging first round all came out that afternoon.

So we finished up our work, bid farewell to our amazing Red Cross coworkers and rushed to our hotel to pack up what we thought we had 2 weeks to take care of in just one night. We arrived to campus the next day, met our new teammates and started preparing for the days ahead. Briefings, debriefings, packing, presentations, airline phone calls, van cleanings… the weekend was not going to be fun. But I convinced myself every morning that all I can do it take a deep breath and give it my all. The worst was over, I would tell myself.

But word to the wise, never convince yourself that the worst is COMPLETELY over because you really have no idea what is coming around the corner. On Saturday morning, I was informed that one of my best friends in the entire world decided to end her time with the program. I knew she had been thinking about it for quite some time, but I never really prepared myself for it actually happening. So not only was I going to be missing out on seeing my long lost FEMA Corps friends that have been scattered across the country during our program’s transition period, or going home to see my family, friends, dog etc… I wasn’t even going to have my other half with me to keep me sane during the next unknown number of weeks of chaos. (I know she is reading this and probably getting a little upset so I just want to make it clear that although I hate her for ditching me… I love her and support her decision and will be there for her both inside and outside of the Ameribubble).

So as you can tell, it has been a pretty busy week. I think getting ready to go “save people’s lives”, as one friend keeps telling me, excuses me from a blog post or two. I am actually writing this blog in the back of my new 15 passenger van with my new teammates and one old teammate (that I could not live without at this point) driving across the country to Austin, TX. We are currently driving through Arizona and should arrive in Austin on Thursday. We then will begin 2 weeks of 12 hour days working as Individual Assistants to aid those that have had their homes damaged or completely destroyed by the floods. Pretty heavy, right? Yea, I know.

But as much as the heaviness of the last few weeks has been weighing on my physical and emotional state, I can still genuinely say that I happy with and proud of my decision to stick this program out. I haven’t thought about going home very often, but the amount of nonsense my old team and I had to go through definitely kept the idea in the back of my head. But I was recently reminded that even though things out here haven’t been as amazing as I try to make it look in pictures, I came to this  program for a reason. I came here to make a difference in the lives of others and my own life along with way. I was reminded of how badly these people I am driving to need my help and that if I wasn’t here, I would probably still be sitting in a cubicle that made me hate my life wondering what the rest of the world has to offer me. And even if what I find isn’t exactly what I expected, it is an experience none the less that I will remember and appreciate it for the rest of my life.

I know that there is a pretty solid chance that this year is only going to get more difficult from here. But I also know that I have gone through some really, really terrible times in the past and somehow managed to make it out alive. In the grand scheme of life, this year is nothing. It is ONE YEAR. And at the end of it, I will get to walk away from this year a happier, more mature and over all better person that the person I was when I started it. I may be bumped, bruised and emotionally drained… but better.

I just want to take a second to thank all the people that I have called, texted, and cried to over the last few days. Between my mom, sister, home friends, FEMA friends and many more, I couldn’t have felt more loved and cared about. They have helped take my level of terror over the upcoming weeks from a solid 15 out of 10 back down to at least a 6 or 7. And if you know me even a little bit, that’s a pretty big deal.


Stay tuned for more updates on my latest adventure in NCCC Fema Corps. I really will try to be more diligent about my blog updating.



Look out Texas, here we come.

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